Have you ever felt alone yet surrounded by people? Been happy but missing something? Been busy yet time seemed wasted?
I have.
A year ago I would have told you that true love, love at first sight, and Hollywood happy endings are for storybooks. It's what everyone wanted and few got.
Don't get me wrong, I believed in love. I enjoyed participating in the quest for a counterpart. I enjoyed making memories with those that were my counterpart-of-the-moment. But, I believed in the time when it was over. We all must move on eventually, right?
I knew that having a best friend, confidant and lover wrapped in one package is one of the greatest gifts in life. Not to be swept under the rug, love is a beautiful thing. It can't be explained. It's a word with no single definition. It's a feeling. It just is. But it isn't forever.
I would have told you that a year ago.
I wasn't convinced people were meant to be with only one person in their lifetime. That we are under constant evolution as beings. That a portion of our lives may make sense at the moment with a particular person but not at another. That the time we are with one person is the moment they're supposed to be there, for you, with you, and then to move on. Evolution.
Is being open to evolving into the new you and entering a new chapter in the book of your life so bad? Surely it's not. I believed this.
Life is unpredictable and we're lucky to get the time we have to write our story.
I have memories in all stages of my life that are filled with laughter, smiles and good times with those I loved. But, in all of those times I was never convinced I had met my forever-man, my prince charming, my soulmate. I didn't believe he was out there.
We're told fairy tales are just that. That storybook endings are for a perfect world and such a world doesn't exist. But it's beautiful to imagine. That's the stuff the movies are made of. That's what makes them so dreamy, enticing, intoxicating. Hoping for a happily-ever-after.
One summer day, everything I thought I knew turned upside down.
Rewind.
I met him when we were 11 years old. We were classmates. We had been brought together by the school system, our matchmaker. He from one elementary school and I from another. I knew when I first saw him that he was special. He was the cutest boy in school. Most girls agreed.
I remember asking for a hall pass so I could walk by his neighboring homeroom and sneak a peek. I never asked him out and he never asked me. Every time there was dance I hoped that he would tap me for a arm-in-arm. He did a few times. I remember the cologne he wore, always smelling so good.
But, he was untouchable. He was just a friend.
The next eight years we shared experiences together. His friends and my friends, our friends together—all of us exploring our path to being grown ups. Graduation came and I stood in front of him on the platform when we received our diplomas—something we didn't realize until 20 years later frozen in a photograph.
Somehow we've always found a way to be together, gravitated to one another, drawn to each other.
I moved to California for 14 years. In that time I was making a life for myself. I was high-flying and full-speed ahead on the ladders I would climb to create my destiny. I was submerged in city life, fashion, and a no-time-to-sleep mentality. I was surviving in a place known to swallow the weak.
Fast forward.
Last summer I came for holiday. I thought of him when I threw a party for friends still in the area. Last time I saw him was six years before.
I had dreamt of him occasionally in the past decade. In the back of my mind, fleeting thoughts during my slumber, I wondered how he was. Apparently he had done the same of me. Not together in body but somehow in spirit, finding our way to each other, once again.
He arrived at the party and I hugged him, wearing his blue shirt that said "HI." I squeezed him, not wanting to let go. Hello. He was so warm. He still smelled so good. That hug was so comforting to me. So soft. So safe. I felt I needed to be there. Like he was supposed to be, like we, were supposed to be.
If I ever felt perfect, perfect was that moment.
That moment changed my life. I had a great life. One that many would say was surreal. Some go their whole lives wanting what they see on TV as their reality; sandy beaches, blue waters, sunshine, and socializing. That was my life. I lived in Hollywood.
My life was a party. Vacations, video shoots, red carpets, studios, yachts, lunch dates. Invites to the places people dream of. Excess, luxury and extravagance. What more could I ask for?
Love. True love. Like, don't-know-how-to-breathe-without-you love.
After the party in Oregon I realized that my heart was beating in a way I didn't understand. All this time I was confused. I didn't really know love. I loved my life. I loved what I had, where I was, who I was. But I wasn't IN love. Not like this.
He reminded me of what it meant to be me. Just me. No pretense, no heels and no dress needed. With all my corkiness and all my goofiness. He laughed at my shortcomings. He thought my clumsiness was cute. I didn't have to hide my imperfections, they were my attraction. He was the yin to my yang.
I went back to California after that party and I tried to pick up where I left off. I jumped back into my routine of strobe lights, limos, and guest lists. It should have been amazing, but something was missing. With all of the people around me, they didn't satisfy me like he did. I was alone in a sea of commotion. He was all I wanted.
I packed up my life, and my tan, and traded it in for my destiny.
From a small town to a big town and back again. All those years of living and I'm finally alive. Nothing in my past compares to what I have now. It's not about where I am but who I'm with. Love changes everything when it's the right kind of love. It changes everything for the better. Forever.
Life is full of happy accidents.
He completes me. My heart's true counterpart. One beat in unison with the other. The kind where pain comes to you when you’re not with him. Your heart hurts. Empty without him.
The kind when you think of texting him he texts you at that very same moment. Or the sentence he speaks that you have already finished. Or when his favorite thing is your favorite thing before you knew you shared that favorite thing. Everything is easy with him.
I still can't help but burst into a toothy smile the second I see him. I can't stop from snuggling next to him when he's in arms reach. I can't imagine a day without him. Unconditional on every account. He has my heart. It's full for the first time in my life. Every moment is better shared with him.
He's the air in my breath. The smirk in my smile. After years of not believing, my true love was in front of me the whole time. Waiting to bring me to life. It slapped me in the face to make sure I recognized it.
A year later I will tell you it's true.
I'm now convinced it's real, not just in storybooks. Fairytales have nothing on our story. “The Notebook” used to be just a movie, now it's my truth. Never count out the people you meet on life's adventure. They could very well be your destiny. Your Noah.
I now believe love can be forever and you can evolve together. That there doesn't have to be an expiration date to the time you have together. That love isn't to be forced into your life, it will come when you’re ready. And when it comes you will know.
I have.
A year ago I would have told you that true love, love at first sight, and Hollywood happy endings are for storybooks. It's what everyone wanted and few got.
Don't get me wrong, I believed in love. I enjoyed participating in the quest for a counterpart. I enjoyed making memories with those that were my counterpart-of-the-moment. But, I believed in the time when it was over. We all must move on eventually, right?
I knew that having a best friend, confidant and lover wrapped in one package is one of the greatest gifts in life. Not to be swept under the rug, love is a beautiful thing. It can't be explained. It's a word with no single definition. It's a feeling. It just is. But it isn't forever.
I would have told you that a year ago.
I wasn't convinced people were meant to be with only one person in their lifetime. That we are under constant evolution as beings. That a portion of our lives may make sense at the moment with a particular person but not at another. That the time we are with one person is the moment they're supposed to be there, for you, with you, and then to move on. Evolution.
Is being open to evolving into the new you and entering a new chapter in the book of your life so bad? Surely it's not. I believed this.
Life is unpredictable and we're lucky to get the time we have to write our story.
I have memories in all stages of my life that are filled with laughter, smiles and good times with those I loved. But, in all of those times I was never convinced I had met my forever-man, my prince charming, my soulmate. I didn't believe he was out there.
We're told fairy tales are just that. That storybook endings are for a perfect world and such a world doesn't exist. But it's beautiful to imagine. That's the stuff the movies are made of. That's what makes them so dreamy, enticing, intoxicating. Hoping for a happily-ever-after.
One summer day, everything I thought I knew turned upside down.
Rewind.
I met him when we were 11 years old. We were classmates. We had been brought together by the school system, our matchmaker. He from one elementary school and I from another. I knew when I first saw him that he was special. He was the cutest boy in school. Most girls agreed.
I remember asking for a hall pass so I could walk by his neighboring homeroom and sneak a peek. I never asked him out and he never asked me. Every time there was dance I hoped that he would tap me for a arm-in-arm. He did a few times. I remember the cologne he wore, always smelling so good.
But, he was untouchable. He was just a friend.
The next eight years we shared experiences together. His friends and my friends, our friends together—all of us exploring our path to being grown ups. Graduation came and I stood in front of him on the platform when we received our diplomas—something we didn't realize until 20 years later frozen in a photograph.
Somehow we've always found a way to be together, gravitated to one another, drawn to each other.
I moved to California for 14 years. In that time I was making a life for myself. I was high-flying and full-speed ahead on the ladders I would climb to create my destiny. I was submerged in city life, fashion, and a no-time-to-sleep mentality. I was surviving in a place known to swallow the weak.
Fast forward.
Last summer I came for holiday. I thought of him when I threw a party for friends still in the area. Last time I saw him was six years before.
I had dreamt of him occasionally in the past decade. In the back of my mind, fleeting thoughts during my slumber, I wondered how he was. Apparently he had done the same of me. Not together in body but somehow in spirit, finding our way to each other, once again.
He arrived at the party and I hugged him, wearing his blue shirt that said "HI." I squeezed him, not wanting to let go. Hello. He was so warm. He still smelled so good. That hug was so comforting to me. So soft. So safe. I felt I needed to be there. Like he was supposed to be, like we, were supposed to be.
If I ever felt perfect, perfect was that moment.
That moment changed my life. I had a great life. One that many would say was surreal. Some go their whole lives wanting what they see on TV as their reality; sandy beaches, blue waters, sunshine, and socializing. That was my life. I lived in Hollywood.
My life was a party. Vacations, video shoots, red carpets, studios, yachts, lunch dates. Invites to the places people dream of. Excess, luxury and extravagance. What more could I ask for?
Love. True love. Like, don't-know-how-to-breathe-without-you love.
After the party in Oregon I realized that my heart was beating in a way I didn't understand. All this time I was confused. I didn't really know love. I loved my life. I loved what I had, where I was, who I was. But I wasn't IN love. Not like this.
He reminded me of what it meant to be me. Just me. No pretense, no heels and no dress needed. With all my corkiness and all my goofiness. He laughed at my shortcomings. He thought my clumsiness was cute. I didn't have to hide my imperfections, they were my attraction. He was the yin to my yang.
I went back to California after that party and I tried to pick up where I left off. I jumped back into my routine of strobe lights, limos, and guest lists. It should have been amazing, but something was missing. With all of the people around me, they didn't satisfy me like he did. I was alone in a sea of commotion. He was all I wanted.
I packed up my life, and my tan, and traded it in for my destiny.
From a small town to a big town and back again. All those years of living and I'm finally alive. Nothing in my past compares to what I have now. It's not about where I am but who I'm with. Love changes everything when it's the right kind of love. It changes everything for the better. Forever.
Life is full of happy accidents.
He completes me. My heart's true counterpart. One beat in unison with the other. The kind where pain comes to you when you’re not with him. Your heart hurts. Empty without him.
The kind when you think of texting him he texts you at that very same moment. Or the sentence he speaks that you have already finished. Or when his favorite thing is your favorite thing before you knew you shared that favorite thing. Everything is easy with him.
I still can't help but burst into a toothy smile the second I see him. I can't stop from snuggling next to him when he's in arms reach. I can't imagine a day without him. Unconditional on every account. He has my heart. It's full for the first time in my life. Every moment is better shared with him.
He's the air in my breath. The smirk in my smile. After years of not believing, my true love was in front of me the whole time. Waiting to bring me to life. It slapped me in the face to make sure I recognized it.
A year later I will tell you it's true.
I'm now convinced it's real, not just in storybooks. Fairytales have nothing on our story. “The Notebook” used to be just a movie, now it's my truth. Never count out the people you meet on life's adventure. They could very well be your destiny. Your Noah.
I now believe love can be forever and you can evolve together. That there doesn't have to be an expiration date to the time you have together. That love isn't to be forced into your life, it will come when you’re ready. And when it comes you will know.
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